Death has shaped my life since I was young. When I was five, I was in a near-fatal car accident that gave me my physical disability. When I was 22, my first work out of college was at Joseph’s House, a hospice for housing insecure folx dying of AIDS or cancer in Washington, D.C. In December 2023, my beloved grandfather passed away at 93 years old.

Even after years of studying grief and wondering about death, I am always curious about people and the end of their lives. How did they die? Did they feel supported? Were they ready? Who was there? Could it have been better? What about the people left behind?

For me, deathcare is a way of honoring the lives of all the people I love while also pushing back against the violence of white supremacy and capitalist culture. We should all have the chance to die peacefully and thoughtfully.

I welcome all people who want to die differently and I find particular joy in supporting Black, Indigenous and People of color (BIPOC) dreaming of a death that is right for them. To me, death care looks like helping someone use their traditional customs to prepare for the after-life even while living far away from home. It’s celebrating an elder who has chosen to stop chemotherapy and die gracefully. It’s walking beside parents who have to live through the nightmare of burying a child. It’s facilitating a birthday party for a 20- or 30- something where everyone writes and signs advance directives. It’s planning a ritual to help someone mark the 1 year, 5 years, 20 years death anniversary of a beloved - human or animal!

I want to die surrounded by my family at home. After I take my last breath, I want my children and best friends to wrap me in a siapo and sit with me as they eat my favorite foods and sing songs that remind them of us. Then, I want my body to go through natural reduction and returned to the Earth.

What about you? How do you want to die? I’d love to know.