Is a deathcare worker the same thing as a death doula? What is a death doula anyways?

Yes! Deathcare workers, death doulas, death midwives, and death companions are all the same thing. We are professionals who provide non-medical guidance to individuals at or preparing for death through tasks such as filling out an advance directive, bedside vigils, death education and more. We are a great addition to care teams that can also involve hospice, family and community. While doctors and nurses will take care of your body, deathcare workers will prioritize your emotional, relational and spiritual needs at the end of life. Our goal is to help people and their circles of support know their options and die in ways that feel healing. I am also a home funeral guide and funeral celebrant. Don’t worry - I’ll explain those terms below, too!

The word “doula” is Greek for “female slave” and was historically a woman who served other women, especially during pregnancy, birth and postpartum. As a Black woman whose ancestors were enslaved, I do not feel comfortable calling myself a slave in any language and so you will see and hear me referring to myself as a deathcare worker instead.

Why would I want a deathcare worker?

People have been dying since the beginning of time and when your time comes, your body will know what to do. However, in a death-avoidant culture like the one in the United States, you might have a lot of questions and anxiety about everything leading up to death. Or you might find yourself the caretaker of a dying person and have no idea how to best support them in their final days - let alone what to do once they die.

As a deathcare worker, I love getting to help someone feel seen and valued deeply. Helping educate about all of the options possible, cheering someone on as they choose what is right for them and bringing the pieces together to hold celebration and mourning in the same breath - these things draw me to the work. If they also sound compelling to you, a deathcare worker might be a great addition to your care team.

Will hiring a deathcare worker ensure I have a peaceful death?

Unfortunately, no. Even with the most meticulous planning and clear intentions, no one can fully predict what dying will be like for you or what it will be like for your support system. Like birth, death is a human experience. Even at its best it will most likely still be messy and intense. Having a deathcare worker means you will have someone by your side to listen to you, advocate for your needs, and provide compassionate presence in your final days. You don’t have to go through the mess alone.

I don’t care what happens to my body after I die. Should I do end-of-life planning anyways?

Yes! Think about it like this: once you die, all of the hard end-of-life stuff is done for you. But that’s not necessarily the case for the people you leave behind. Even if you don’t have strong preferences or care what happens to you after death, someone still has to make decisions about what happens not only to your body but also to your possessions, how to let others know about your death and a million other details. This can be an excruciating thing for someone who is going through the shock and/or grief of losing you. End-of-life planning ahead of time can be a way of making things a little easier for the people in your life. I also find that even people who are initially ambivalent about death choices find out that they actually do have strong preferences once they start end-of-life planning.

You mentioned that you’re a licensed mental health counselor - can I come to you for therapy, too?

You’re right. Most of my work life has been in mental health where I filled roles as a Sexual Assault Victim’s Advocate, community mental health counselor and ran a private practice working with BIPOC navigating trauma, grief and cultural identity. Currently, I enjoy providing consultation, trainings and speaking engagements for groups interested in the intersections of death, grief and mental health.

However, though my death work is trauma-informed and benefits in many ways from my counseling background, I am not your therapist. I am happy to refer my deathcare clients to other practitioners who can best support their mental health needs.

What is an advance directive?

An advance directive is a legal document stating someone’s medical preferences if they are too ill or otherwise unable to communicate them. Everyone should have an advance directive no matter your age or health.

If you choose to do End-of-Life preparation with me, I will walk you through an advance directive as well as how you would like to spend your final days, what you would like to have happen to your body once you die (final disposition), what documents you should gather to help the people taking care of your affairs postmortem, your preferences for a funeral/memorial/celebration of life and more.

What is a home funeral?

A home funeral is a gathering after someone dies where family or community members care for their person’s body and spend time together before the person is laid to rest. Home funerals are legal in all 50 states and can range in length of time from a couple of hours to a number of days. This is a great option for hands-on people who want to take care of their dying person to the very end and can be a gentler way of grieving since there is more time to adjust to the death.

The National Home Funeral Alliance is an amazing resource to learn more. As a home funeral guide, someone who helps educate and prepare communities for this kind of deathcare, I am also happy to talk with you more to see if this option is right for you.

What is a celebrant?

A celebrant is a layperson who can organize and facilitate a ceremony honoring a major life transition. Many people assume that a funeral or memorial has to happen in a church. However, this kind of ritual can actually be customized to fit nearly any aspect of someone’s life. As a funeral celebrant, I help people plan services that honor someone’s life both before and after a death. From traditional church ceremonies to beachside bonfires and everything in between - we can create something just right for you.

I don’t live in Seattle - can I still work with you?

Many of my services can be provided virtually. Let’s talk and see if I am a good fit for you.

I’m really interested in working with you but money is tight.

I offer a free initial consultation to see if we are a good team to work together as well as a sliding scale on all of my services. Please contact me directly to find out more.