Community Spotlight: An Interview w/Ted Wolkenhauer
I am thrilled to introduce you to Ted, one of my favorite End-of-Life care colleagues. Ted and I met about a year ago when I was supporting a family as a lay celebrant after a sudden death. Over the course of a whirlwind week, Ted, as the family’s funeral director, and I, as the death worker providing postmortem grief support, found our work frequently over-lapping and complementing each other’s. By the day of the Celebration-of-Life when we finally met in person, I was thoroughly impressed by Ted and his team at Flintoft’s Funeral Home. I have been thankful each time I’ve worked with them since. It is a huge comfort to be able to confidently refer my clients to a trusted colleague, especially at such a sensitive time in people’s lives. Thank you, Ted, for generously sharing your knowledge and perspective with us!
Neshia (N): I am asked by clients all the time - often with a sense of panic - what they should be looking for in a funeral home. Thanks for helping clear up some of the mystery around your work. Could you please introduce yourself and your role?
Ted (T): I’m Ted Wolkenhauer, a licensed funeral director and embalmer. Day to day, my work includes meeting with families during some of the hardest moments of their lives, as well as overseeing the technical and regulatory side of funeral service—death registration, documentation, operations, and training interns. Ultimately, my role is to make sure every detail is handled with care and that families receive the support they deserve.
N: Why did you become a funeral director?
T: Before entering funeral service, I worked as an RN and paramedic. I’ve always felt called to help others, but I was reaching a point of burnout in trauma medicine and needed a change.
I had the opportunity to intern at a family-owned funeral home to see whether funeral service was the right fit. I quickly realized that I could support people in two important ways: by caring for the person who had died and by helping the people who loved them navigate an incredibly difficult time.
Once I felt confident that this was the career path I wanted to pursue, I earned my bachelor’s degree in mortuary science while finishing my internship. Almost 20 years later, I am still enjoying the care I provide.
N: Can you explain how funeral homes support families?
T: The support begins long before the day of a service—and it is much more than people may realize. We coordinate death registration and legal paperwork; help families understand their options for burial, cremation, a service, or no service; care for the person who died; and arrange transportation and, when needed, international repatriation.
Just as importantly, we offer a steady presence when a family is disoriented by grief. A good funeral home holds the practical and emotional needs of a family at the same time.
N: What questions should clients and families ask when searching for a funeral home?
T: Start with your loved one’s wishes and your family’s wishes. Having even a general sense of what feels important before meeting with a funeral director can help ensure the decisions remain centered on your family rather than being made for you. I enjoy helping families take an initial idea and turn it into a meaningful plan.
Other helpful questions include:
Who owns the funeral home? Is it family-owned or part of a larger corporation?
Can I have a copy of your General Price List? Funeral homes are required to provide one before discussing prices.
Where will my loved one be cared for from the time they are taken into your care until final disposition? Is that work done on-site or by another provider?
Can you accommodate our religious, cultural, or personal requests?
Which services are required by law, and which services may we decline?
The right funeral home should welcome these questions and help you feel informed—not as though you are imposing.
N: What do you wish people understood about funeral homes and funeral directors?
T: I wish people knew that most funeral directors are here because we genuinely want to help. Unfortunately, there are bad actors in every field, and when misconduct in funeral service receives public attention, it can lead people to assume all funeral homes operate that way.
That is not why I do this work, and it is not the ethos of the funeral home where I work. I cannot take away someone’s grief, but I can take their hand and walk alongside them through the funeral-home side of things—making it as manageable as possible so they have more space to grieve and care for one another.
N: What is your philosophy about collaborating with death workers and other end-of-life professionals?
T: Working alongside people like you has shaped how I think about this. Families are best served when death care is not siloed.
A funeral home handles essential legal and logistical responsibilities, while end-of-life planners, doulas, and grief educators can provide depth, continuity, and support that a funeral home alone cannot. My approach is to communicate closely, respect what each person brings to the table, and keep the family’s wishes at the center of every decision.
N: I am not a funeral director but I recognize how challenging your job can be. What brings you joy in your work, and how do you care for yourself?
T: This work is emotionally and physically demanding. We are meeting people and families during some of the worst moments of their lives. I try to remember that when I am grieving or overwhelmed, I may not always be at my best—and I extend that same grace to the families I serve.
I believe calmer heads prevail. When I can remain calm and collected, it often helps families lower their guard, begin to feel safe, and build trust with us.
Outside of work, I make it a priority to protect time with my family. They come first, and they do not deserve for me to bring all of the stress of my work home with me. I do not bottle things up; when I have had a hard day, I talk with my wife, who offers support and an outside perspective.
I also believe strongly in maintaining interests that have nothing to do with work. I meditate, work out, and enjoy trail running and hiking. Those practices help me reset, stay present, and continue showing up for families with the care they deserve.
